Want to try a strap-on for the first time but aren't sure what to look out for? To begin with, you need neither special experience nor a complicated routine. What matters more is a suitable toy, a little preparation and the freedom to pause at any time. If you'd like an overview of the different styles first, you can find them here: strap-on models. This guide explains how to prepare for your first time and what to bear in mind.
What is a strap-on?
A strap-on, also known as a harness dildo, usually consists of a dildo and a holder called a harness. It allows you to attach a dildo to your body. Strap-ons can be used for vaginal or anal penetration, as long as the model in question is suitable for it. They are used by people of all genders and sexual orientations. When a woman penetrates a man anally, this is often called pegging. For beginners, the most important thing is that both of you feel comfortable with what you have planned.
What do you need for your first time?
Alongside a suitable strap-on, a few simple preparations are worthwhile.
A suitable strap-on set
A set with a matching harness and dildo can make choosing easier. That way, you don't have to work out whether different fastening systems are compatible with each other. Make sure the harness fits comfortably and the dildo can be attached securely. If you'd like to learn more about the differences between strap harnesses, strap-on briefs and interchangeable dildos, you'll find them in our guide "Which strap-on is right for me?".
A suitable dildo
To begin with, a fairly slim, smooth dildo with a modest insertable length can be easier to handle. There is no fixed measurement for this. What feels comfortable depends, among other things, on the anatomy and previous experience of the person receiving. Also check that the dildo is expressly intended for the use you have in mind.
Lubricant and hygiene
Lubricant reduces friction. It is especially important for anal use, as the anus does not produce its own lubrication. A water-based lubricant is compatible with many toy materials and condoms. Even so, follow the manufacturer's instructions. Clean the dildo before first use and check that the surface is undamaged.
How do you put on a strap-on properly?
Before you use the strap-on together, you can try putting it on in your own time.
- Put on the harness following the manufacturer's instructions.
- Adjust the straps so that they fit snugly but don't dig in.
- Attach the dildo and check that it sits securely.
- Walk a few steps, sit down and stand up again.
- Adjust the fit if anything pinches or slips.
With strap-on briefs, getting the right size matters most, rather than the straps. You don't need to try any sexual movements at this stage. To begin with, it's enough to get a feel for the fit and the weight of the toy.
How do you prepare together?
Talk beforehand about what you would like to try and what you wouldn't. You can agree that the person receiving sets the pace and can ask for a break at any time. The person wearing the strap-on is also free to say if a movement feels unfamiliar or the harness is uncomfortable. Allow plenty of time. Your first time doesn't have to end in penetration. You can start by simply putting the strap-on on, testing the fastening and getting used to the unfamiliar sensation.
How do you begin the first time?
Start slowly and without having to reach any particular goal. The person receiving should have enough time to get used to the touch and, if applicable, the penetration. Use a suitable lubricant and top it up when needed. The person wearing the strap-on can't directly feel how deep the dildo goes or how much pressure is being put on the person receiving. That's why clear feedback is important. Short cues such as "slower", "pause" or "that feels good" can help. If anything hurts, burns or becomes uncomfortable, stop. Don't try to push through pain by going further.
Which position is suitable for beginners?
There is no position that works best for all beginners. A helpful position is one in which the person receiving can easily influence the movement and you can both talk to each other. A side-lying position, for example, can be comfortable because movements can stay slow and manageable. Others prefer a position in which they can see each other and give feedback more easily. What matters is not the name of the position, but that you can easily control the pace and range of movement. If a position feels awkward, change it or take a break.
What matters for your first time pegging?
Pegging usually refers to a woman anally penetrating a man with a strap-on. The same basic safety rules apply to physical preparation as for any other anal penetration. Only use toys that are suitable for this, with a secure, sufficiently wide base, and plenty of lubricant. An enema or a set training programme with ever larger toys is not a requirement. If someone has little experience of anal stimulation, it can make sense to start without penetration. The person receiving should be able to decide at any time whether and how things continue. Incidentally, pegging says nothing about a person's sexual orientation.
What if it doesn't work out the first time?
Perhaps the harness slips, the movements feel unfamiliar or one of you decides you don't want to continue after all. That is no reason to put yourself under pressure. If the harness slips, stop and check the fit. If the person receiving is in pain, end the penetration. More pressure is not the answer. If someone feels unsure, you can talk about it or postpone trying again to another day. A successful start doesn't mean you have to have completed any particular act.
How do you clean a strap-on after use?
Clean the dildo after every use according to the manufacturer's instructions. For many non-porous, waterproof dildos, warm water and mild soap are suitable. Electronic components and non-waterproof materials may need different care. The harness should be cleaned in a way that suits its material and left to dry completely. If a toy is used by more than one person, a fresh, suitable condom can reduce the risk of infection. When switching from anal to vaginal use, take particular care to avoid transferring germs. Afterwards, store the set clean and dry.
